Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
