New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
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