Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
