she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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