I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
