dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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