I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
