i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
