Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
That's intense
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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