Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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