no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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