Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
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