so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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