Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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