I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
