i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
