I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
