Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
