woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
You left your underwear on the fireplace
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
