Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
