Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
