can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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