Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
