you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
