I'm lost and stupid without you.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
