It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
