I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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