Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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