The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
