With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
