i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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