Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
