As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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