I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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