So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
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