Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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