Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
