Nicole vs. Life
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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