im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
