Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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