I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
