I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
