The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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