Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
