You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
