Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
