i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
