I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
