You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
It's blow job season.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
