I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
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