We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
