also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
