the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
