Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
