my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
