How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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