I like my sex mixed with concussions.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
